Faithful Hearts
by Quiet Daydream
Summary: It's been a while since the van accident. Chandler and Kent are colleagues. But are they still friends? Kent's behaviour is unusual and Chandler is confused. One day something happens and some changes ensue. Will they get a chance to be happy? Let's find out.
1. Chapter 1

Faithful Hearts

by Quiet Daydream

Chapter 1

It was a Sunday morning. Kent got in quite early. This Sunday was not a good day. It was tainted with the events of the Saturday night. There he was, at a party, surrounded by hundreds of faces, cheerful, smiley faces who were in love, or were just about to fall in love. Strangers meet, talk, laugh, accidentally touch, connect and then become more, much more than mere strangers. He was the untouchable. It was like nothing could go through his thick armor. He kept thinking: ''Why am I like this? Why can't I stop?'' It physically hurt to smile. He was waiting for something, without having the slightest idea what that might be. Or, to be more precise, who that might be. He knew whom he wanted. He realised that a long time ago, but it was impossible. It was improbable, unreachable, unimaginable, and, crap... He was doing it again. He said he would stop. If he could only...

''Good morning, Kent!''

He twitched.

''Sir! Good morning.''

''Kent, since it's holiday, and Sunday non the least, we lack staff members, and several of us will have to do the double, if not the triple work. Are you up for it?''

''Of course, Sir!''

Not that Chandler asked a real question. Not that it wasn't obvious that Kent should comply because Chandler is his superior. It was apparent that Kent would, without a comment, follow the DI to the darkest corners of the world.

''How was the weekend so far? I bet these few days off did you good?''

''Yes, Sir. They were all right.''

That was a bit strange. Chandler was never interested in the way Kent spends his weekends.

Right?

But Kent thought that it must be because of the unique situation. He shouldn't be here. He should be having some fun, like most people at this time of the year. The trouble is that this situation became unbearable for him. Kent moved from the state of disinterest towards social events to the state of utter and complete indifference towards the world. He was angry most of the time. He was disappointed in himself. In his lack of ability to just forget about Him. Maybe the things would go smoother if he didn't have to see him every sodding day. And even when he had a chance, like now, to just say no to his invitation, all that it takes is a single vowel from the Chandler's mouth and he's there, by his side, ready to take the bullet for the man. This inclination of his is viewed, at least by Chandler, as a trait of a decent, if not the most honorable policeman, who is ready at any time, in any occasion to serve the law and the higher cause. He definitely doesn't see Kent as a man who is profoundly, desperately and hopelessly in love with his superior.

But what if something has changed? What if there was one day and one conversation that started it all?

''Kent, please, contact the family members, and I'll interrogate the witnesses personally.''

''Yes, Sir.''

''Kent?''

Kent looked at Chandler anticipating another order.

''We need to talk. When the situation calms, there is something that we have to discuss about.''

Kent was confused, and the expression on his face stated that clearly.

''I understand, Sir, but if it is important, you don't need to...''

''No, now is neither the time nor the place. Soon enough.''

Then he just left. He waltzed out of the room in his impeccable suit, while his footsteps were echoing somewhere, at the edge of Kent's mind.

'What is happening?' Kent thought to himself.

Has he become that obvious? Is his DI, finally making an intervention in order to set him straight. Will he get the sack? Is it all over?

He tried not to be so obvious. He tried not to stare, but recently, he was losing it. On several occasions, Miles, Riley and Mansell had to call him back to earth. The last time, he was staring at the Chandler during the internal control. Not just in a supporting way. He was literally smiling at the man, completely oblivious of the world and people around them. When the inspector asked a question, he was just standing there, glaring at Chandler, dazed and amazed by his words: ''One of the most respectable officers is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, our DC Emerson Kent. On several occasions he risked his own life, and good name in order to pursue criminals and bring them to justice. He was loyal when many failed to be. He was trained by our respectable DS Ray Miles who...''.

Who needs that kind of fascination? He felt like a dog who was chasing the moon. Chandler was just like the moon - distant, wonderful and mysterious. Kent was the tide that reacted to Chandler's changes. He was there as a support. He was there as a help, or a comforter, or anything else that he felt the need to be. Just for him.

And for what? He should just stop. He should end it. As soon as possible. Or else the love, the heat and obsession will drive him mad.

* * *

He stepped into his office. It was pristine, as always, and he could smell the refresher in the air. Mint. And lemon. And maybe a tint of... Jasmine?

Chandler told him to wait for him in his office, and he will come as soon as he takes the papers from Buchan. Buchan was there, of course. He was always there. The basement in the police station became his second home. However creepy that may sound.

Kent heard His steps before he could scent him. He scented him and heard the door being closed before he got a chance to see him. And then he came in vis view range. He slowly circled around the table and sat in his chair. He immediately took one of his wet tissues and started wiping his hands.

Kent didn't know what happened, but suddenly a voice came out of him: ''Did Buchan try to make you read every single file from the moldy section?''

Chandler looked at him, and there was a surprise in his eyes, for Kent hadn't been a joker around him lately. In fact, for a while. He was many other things, but never the joker.

Kent said that before he could control himself. He thought he shouldn't have.

''I apologize, Sir. I don't know why I...''

''It's all right. There is a truth to it.''

''Still, it was stupid of me to...''

''Kent, please, stop apologizing. We have to sort this out.'' Chandler sounded a bit angry.

''Sort what out, Sir?'' It was a puzzling moment for Kent.

''Your behaviour, and our relationship.''

''Relat...'' Kent swallowed a lump. ''What are you referring to?''

''Kent...'' He put his hands together and leaned forward.

''Emerson...''

Kent's heart skipped a beat. Or a couple of them.

''This is not good. I am obviously oblivious of the things that are happening with my team. I never cared about knowing too much, but this is affecting the work.''

Kent felt like a child reproached for his mischievousness by his schoolmaster.

It was sickening for a moment.

''You don't talk to me like before. You just look at me, you practically stare at me, every single time I try to praise you, or say good things about your work. It's like you cannot believe your ears. It's like you doubt my words. You don't go to the pub with the team if I'm going. I get all this: 'Yes, Sir', 'Immediately, Sir', but you are miles away. You stammer sometimes when you speak. You apologize constantly. As if you have done something terribly wrong. I'm worried about you. What is happening with you, Emerson?''

''You're worried? About me?''

''Well, do you think that I am that blind, or you just find me mostly careless and insensitive? We've been all together in this, for years, and I can notice things. I notice that something is out of order.''

''I didn't mean... What I'm trying to say is that I have nothing against you, Sir.''

''Then why have you changed your behaviour? You don't act this way towards other members of our team.''

''It's just that I have a lot of things on my mind. I have to figure some things out.''

''What kind of things, Kent? You're confusing. If it's happening only around me, then it concerns me. What did I do to cause this? I know I made some mistakes, and I know I was unfair to you in the past. That was awful. It still is, but, I thought we moved past that! There is no need to act this way. I want to help if I can, or apologize.''

''Please, Sir, just stop. You're not the problem.''

''We are friends, but at our work, we are professionals. You don't act professionally. Something is wrong and I demand to know what.'' He ended in a harsh, bossy tone.

And that was that final drop. He demands to know. Such a small, such a tiny word, but when you keep the lid on for so long, it's only the drop that it takes.

''Really, Sir? Really? You demand to know how I feel?'' Kent stood up, holding his hands in firm grips. ''You are so astute, so shrewd that you noticed, after so many years, that something is wrong with the DC Kent?''

''Kent! I care about...''

''Sir! Don't patronize me!''

''What? How am I patronizing you?''

''You sit there, in your chair, pretending to be the caring boss, pretending that you want to help, when you actually want to show how uncomfortable I make you feel, and how you want that problem to be resolved. Because that is what I am for you. A problem. Well, you know what? I am a problem. Not just for you, but for myself. I am a hazard to myself, and apparently to everything that is a mile near me.''

''Kent, calm down!''

''No! This is it Joseph Chandler! I quit! Today!''

''What!?'' Chandler was appalled.

This is it! But before I leave, I want...''

''Kent, what are you..?'' Chandler tried to interrupt him.

''No! I am tired. I really am. I like to think that I'm a good police officer.''

''You are, I never said...''

''Please!'' He was loud. ''Do not interrupt me now, Joe!'' That was the first time he called him the way he spoke to him in his dreams.

''You are the one who always speaks. I am the one who always listens. Always. To every single word that you say. As if everything that you do, and that you are is a perfection. But you are not. You are not a perfection, and it's nobody else to blame but me that I made you into one.''

Chandler's mouth was wide open.

''I made you into this divinity and nothing, not your OCD, not your introversion, not your reckless behaviour, not the moments of drunken delusion, or the insults that you sent my way... Nothing! Nothing could make me stop loving you.''

If Chandler hadn't been sitting already, he would have ended up on the floor.

''Everything that you do... Your smile, which is something that I rarely see makes me feel lost. The way you move, the way you breathe, your voice and your hair that is always so perfect, even after a fight... Who has a hair like that!? Do you know how many people have blue eyes? I don't know, but I know that yours are the deepest and bluest that I've ever seen! I love every single particle that flies around your body, and you! I idolize you to the level of insanity! But I can't to this anymore. I can't Joe. I love my work, but I can do this anywhere. And I'll do it a lot better if you're not there to distract me. Because I care only about you. When we are in the field, I am chasing bullets, because I don't care about myself as much as I care about you. And If I died, all that you would say would be: 'He was a cherished member of our team'. And that's it. You don't care, Joe. And I should care. About me. From now on, that's exactly what I'll do. Just leave me be. Just!..'' He waved his hands through the air as if that will put an end to everything. As if that was all that was left of him to say. And then he disappeared through the door. It's like there was an angry breeze in Chandler's office, and now it's gone.

Chandler was in a state of complete and utter shock. Kent LOVED him? He LOVED him more than himself?

He started to shake. 'He quit. He just quit.' Kent LOVED HIM!? Tiger Balm, where is his bloody tiger balm when he needs it.

He grabbed the balm, like a madman, and he moved the lid so fast that it flew to the right corner.

'Oh, my God what did just happen?'

Chandler felt dizzy, and nauseated. He felt a sharp pain rising in his chest. He started shaking and hyperventilating. It must have been a panic attack. He had one of those before. He stood up, to call for help. He didn't have enough time to react, he didn't know what, he...

* * *

''Joe! You poor sod, are you all right?''

He carefully opened his eyes to see Miles's freshly shaven face.

''You're all right now.''

''What? What's going on? Where am I?''

''Take it easy, lad. Everything is OK. You're in hospital.''

''Wha... What happened to me?''

''You fell and hit your head on the desk. Believe it or not, this is the good scenario. The concussion is not severe. ''

Chandler felt miserable. He was so weak.

He was confused, for a couple of minutes, his mouth was dry, and he was trying to remember what happened, when, in one swift blast it all came back to him: ''Nothing could make me stop loving you.'', ''I don't care about myself as much as I care about you.''

''Where is Kent?''

''Kent? Why do you...?''

''Miles, Kent!''

''I called the lads and Riley to tell them what happened. But I couldn't reach Kent. I called him several times, but the kid is probably somewhere having the time of his life. Why are you asking?''

Chandler swallowed heavily. Kent is not answering his phone.

''Does this has something to do with him?''

''No, Miles! I just have to find Kent.'' - He tried to stand up.

''Whoa, whoa, you're not going anywhere, Joe!'' Miles pushed him back to bed.

''It's 24 hours. They have to follow your condition. There may be some internal bleeding. You hit that noggin of yours pretty hard.''

''Miles, you have to find Kent. Before I fell I'd seen him, I was nervous and stupid, as always. I said some awful things.''

''What's wrong with you? That kid is doing his best!''

''I know, Miles! I have to talk to him. I just...''

''All right! All right! Calm down! Dear God!

''Miles, please!'' Chandler was visibly distressed.

''Don't get your panties in a wad. I'll find the kid.''


	2. Chapter 2

Faithful Hearts

by Quiet Daydream

Chapter 2

Kent's doorbell rang. He wasn't in the mood to see anybody. He opened the door and found a serious, but familiar face.

''What do you want Miles?''

''Well, hello to you to, Kent!'', said Miles in a formal tone.

Kent closed his eyes, breathed out as a man who is tired of his ways, and in a civil manner asked:

''Sorry, Skip, why are you here?''

''I've been trying to reach ya for hours, your phone's dead.''

''I turned it off. I needed some peace and quiet.''

''OK, kid, that's all fine and dandy, but we need to go to hospital.''

''What? Why?''

''Cause our boss is there.''

''Joe?!'', he forgot to breathe for a moment. ''What happened?''

''A trouble happened!'', then Miles raised his eyebrows. ''Since when do you call him Joe?''

Kent ignored the question. Miles stared at him. One would presume that someone of Kent's complexion couldn't possibly go any paler, but it happened. That kid was the most genuine person he met. He was in it for real. And he fell for the boss. Hard. It's amazing to see someone, who has no control, no reserves, someone real, who can care so openly. Miles had no idea why he decided to say that but it happened.

''He got shot.''

To say that the news disconcerted him would be a mild expression. In a state of apparent disarray, Kent rushed to find his keys.

''Oi, Kent, Kent!''

Kent's fearful eyes gaped at him. Miles raised his hand holding the car key.

''My car. Let's go.''

A couple of minutes later, Kent and Miles were at the hospital's car park, and a few moments later, they walked into Chandler's hospital room.

He was sitting upright, and his gaze turned to Kent the moment he walked through the door.

He looked at him like he sees him for the first time.

''Here's Kent, boss.'' Miles nudged Kent through the door, and then shut it.

''Skip?'' Kent tried to look at Miles, to call him, but he found himself in an isolated room, facing a man to whom he said some mind-boggling and unsettling things.

''Kent...'' It was his name, followed by a sigh.

''You're all right! You're not wounded?!'' That was, at the same time, a statement and a question.

''I had a concussion.'' The way Chandler said it sounded as if a cannon ball was fired at his head.

''You'll survive.'', a quiet, but austere voice caused Chandler to wince.

Kent saw that he had a small bandage on his head. But he also realised that Miles tricked him to come. Chandler was all right. He will be all right. He felt ashamed and disappointed in himself. 'I am so easy. So gullible. Just one mention of Chandler, injury and a hospital in one sentence and here I am. After everything what I said. Pathetic.'

''Kent...''

He loved that man's voice.

''Don't.''

''Wait, I have to tell you something.''

He froze. Chandler's voice was pleading.

''I'm sorry! For everything! For the way I acted, for what I said. Here I was, sitting and thinking about what I want to say, and I realised something. I remember everything what you did for me. Some of the things that you did were obviously way out of what was expected from you as an officer, but I received all those things as if they were implied, as if they were common, when they were actually extraordinary.''

Emerson Kent was voiceless as havoc ravaged his nervous system.

''I took it all for granted. I never wanted to belittle you or your actions. That was never my intention. I'm truly sorry.''

Kent was astonished and speechless. He expected many things from Joseph Chandler after his revelation, but this one was not on his list.

''I... I don't want your apology.'', he broke his silence.

''I mean what I say.''

''I know you do, but it's unnecessary. I did not tell you what I did to torture you. I surprised myself. You are not responsible for the way I feel and act. I'm an adult. It's just all that pressure from you. I was trying to cope with everything, and then you started to demand things while stating that you know me. That you notice my behaviour.''

Chandler was silent.

''Well, it was downright ridiculous, considering the fact that you're a detective, Joe. You never noticed. Or you never wanted to. And that hurt my ego. But it's still not your fault. You can't help how you feel. You have the right to love or not love somebody. It's my problem, not yours.''

''But, I don't hate you. I care about you.''

The small, miniscule ray of hope. Human heart is such a silly little thing.

''I care about you. I do. I...I can't say that I'm in love...''

Suddenly, there's a roller coaster in young man's chest. Sending him up and down, to heaven and hell.

''I never considered that. I never looked at you that way. Not that you don't deserve it.''

Suddenly, the words Kent said at his office flashed across his mind: 'Nothing could make me stop loving you.' and 'I don't care about myself as much as I care about you.'

''You deserve the best things in your life, Kent. Especially for loving someone like me in such a way.''

Young man was speechless. If he falls this shall be his swan's song.

''Nobody has ever told me the things that you said. I am sure that nobody has ever felt the way that you do about me. I don't deserve that.''

''Joe.'' He gazed at the man deeply, with care.

''I am certain that you haven't been paying attention. You are too emerged in hating yourself to notice just how much some people care. Not just me. Everybody in our team.''

'He is amazing.' Chandler was startled by his own thoughts.

''You are too kind, but we both know that...''

''No, you know. You always know. Even when you are not right. That is at the same time your flaw, and one of the most endearing things about you. '' He couldn't believe his own words. He was shameless. So shameless.

Chandler was staring at him thinking what on earth did he do to deserve someone to love him like that?

''I don't want you to leave. Don't quit. If you were to be promoted, that's different. I would gladly accept that, I would even throw you a farewell party, but this? I know that you don't want to leave. You know that you don't want to leave. I realise that I've been harsh towards you, and worse. I placed you in incredibly unflattering positions. Accused you of being a mole. And with Morgan...'' He stopped there.

''My attitude was downright unbecoming. You didn't have to apologize to Morgan.''

''I was jealous.''

Again, Chandler was silent.

''I was mad with jealousy. And although what I said was in place, my motifs were completely dishonest. I didn't care about the rules and regulations. I cared about you, and that made me act as a teenager. It was shameful. I am still sorry about what happened to her. I want you to be happy. Since you're not min...'' He stopped. He almost overstepped his boundaries in a silly attempt of his heart to say 'mine'. He composed himself.

''I just want you to be happy. That's all. I want me to be happy, as well, but right now, it's hard and... I have no idea what I'm trying to say.''

Kent literally fell on the chair.

''You did a great job so far.'' They looked at each other. Joseph Chandler was almost smiling.

''I don't blame you, Kent. Please say that you'll stay.''

He was moved by Chandler's soft voice and the earnest plea in his eyes. He always loved his attention. He craved his approval.

''Kent, say that you will stay.''

''I'll try.''

Chandler closed his eyes tilting his head back. He exhaled deeply. He has to be able to say the right words. Kent couldn't believe he said 'I'll try'. He regretted immediately. They're completely aware of each other's feelings. It is a relief in a sense, but on the other hand it's pure horror.

''Sir, I wanted...''

Chandler moved his head and looked back at the young man.

''Sir? Now?'' Kent could swear there was a smile at the corner of Chandler's lips.

He cleared his throat.

''Is this what's going to happen from now on?''

''What?''

''Is your plan to make fun of me?'' he said half seriously.

''No.''

''Well, you're doing it.''

''I'm sorry. It's just... Well, I know that I'm the epic fool here, but you are saving my record.''

''Now you're calling me a fool?''

''No. I'm saying that I have no plans to make fun of you. I respect you and I care about you. Our relationship is not strictly professional, as it is the case with the rest of the team. I want you to feel comfortable around me.''

''Well, I want that, too. After everything it must be clear that if I was able I would have switched off my feelings long ago.''

Chandler wanted to end Kent's guilt. This was madness.

''Although I really do not understand how can you find someone with my 'endearing perks' so attractive, I understand that you cannot switch off your feelings. My problem is that I am an emotional lump, Kent, but you don't have to be. Just stay. Feel what you feel. Nothing lasts.''

This 'nothing lasts' is so typical of him. Kent knows better.

''We trust each other. I am not afraid of you. Nothing's wrong with you! If there's someone who is flawed and abnormal, it's me. Not you. You know my ways. The disgust I feel towards myself... I don't even know whether some of my feelings are connected to my 'little' ways or my sexual preference. I am a man who lives in his insane world and desperately tries to find some peace. I have a problem to connect with women, men, with the entire damn world! I am in a role since the moment I put my suit on. I play a role of normalcy and sanity. The very things I lack!

Kent's heart paused. It was gone. It disappeared somewhere in his rib cage.

''I don't want to lie to you, Emerson. I didn't imagine us together. I didn't see this coming. I really didn't, which makes me an ass. I just thought that you were looking up to me. But your worth is not measured by my inability to perceive your nature! You are honest, kind, smart and humane! You are loyal and brave. You are completely devoted to the cause! You make people feel comfortable. When we are at a crime scene, and I lose myself, the look in your eyes makes me sane. Or at least it did. That was one of the things I that missed when you were acting the way you did. I thought you started hating me.''

Kent really lost it. He was looking at the man in the bed, with a firm belief that he will never, ever be able to love anyone else the way he loved Him.

''Please, stop.'' It was hard to say the words but he knew he had to: ''You are an honest man. I respect you. I will stay. We don't have to speak about this anymore. I'm fine with how you feel. Actually, I feel a relief because I don't have to pretend anymore. I can just be me.''

''You'll stay?'' Chandler dared to hope.

Kent nodded his head in agreement.

The air in the room was filled with remnants of confessions. They both took long, deep breaths and stayed quietly at their corners of existence.

Chandler stared at Kent. His unruly hair, his dark eyes, his tiny but sturdy physique, and felt safe, again. Normal. At peace.

Time was passing. After what seemed like an eternity, Chandler spoke:

''Kent?''

''Yes, Sir?''

Chandler winced at the sound of 'Sir' but proceeded with: ''May I ask you just one more thing? Last thing.''

''Yes.''

''When did you start to feel...'' He paused. He didn't have to know, really. But in a way he did. How oblivious he really was of people?

''How long have you been feeling like this?'' Something was burning inside of him. A fear. He didn't fear Kent. He feared himself.

Kent blushed. Instantly. As if someone lit up two little lights inside of his cheeks. He could lie. ''For a while'' is acceptable. ''For some time''. ''A few months''. But he shall not do that.

He smirked. In the silliest possible way.

''I need some chalk.''

Chandler kept himself under full control. He nodded his head in confirmation with the serious expression on his face.

''I see.''

''Sir, you need your rest. I think I'm going to go now.''

''I understand.''

''I hope that you'll feel better soon.''

''I'm better already.''

''I'll be at the station tomorrow. I don't want to ruin the holiday for Miles and his family. I'll keep an eye on things.''

''You do that.''

Kent smiled at Chandler, and disappeared behind the door.

''Dear God.'' he thought. ''Five years...This is how he felt for more than five years! I'm a halfwit! Oh my, God. How blind I was. All this time... Every single moment... He loved me? Through EVERYTHING?! All this time...''

Despite of what they said to each other, Joseph Chandler was not a fool. He knew that things would not be so easy. But he also knew that no matter what, he would not be the one to harm the career of a man like Emerson Kent. That man deserved better. The delicate peace that he tried so hard to regain started to dissipate at the edges of his troubled mind, and Joseph Chandler began a battle with his wayward 'little' ways, as the sharp pain was spreading from the pulsating place where the small bandage was covering his head.


	3. Chapter 3

Faithful Hearts

by Quiet Daydream

Chapter 3

''Good morning, Sir!'' Kent had a wide and genuine smile on his face. It was a pleasant sight.

''Good morning, Kent!'' Chandler answered. He was nervous, and he could feel that nervousness in his stomach. It's like his insides were doing back flips. His palms were sweaty. 'Get a grip!' He shouted at himself in his head.

''How are you, Sir?''

''I am really fine, thank you for asking!''

''I am glad to hear that because we have a new witness. She is coming here today, and also, I made a list of all the possible suspects. Everything is on the board, Sir.''

''That's excellent!'' He nodded his head in affirmation.

''Miles is driving his boys to school today, because Judy is visiting her mother with Lily.''

''Oh, I got it, thank you. Let's see the board.''

They were professional and polite, as it was expected, but the change was obvious. Chandler was overly nice with his: 'Thank you, Kent!', 'Good work!','Excellent, Kent!' and 'Brilliant!'. Kent did not call him Joe, but Sir, as he always did, however he behaved as if he regained his freedom. At moments he would be uncomfortable, but then it would dawn on him that everything was all right. He will keep his job, and Chandler had nothing against him. He was actually, very kind and supportive. Then he was really supportive. Then he was too supportive. Then it was utterly strange. At the end of the day, Miles paid Chandler a visit.

''What the hell is wrong with you?''

''What are you talking about?''

''It's great that you apologized to Kent, you were in the wrong, but, aren't you now exaggerating a bit?''

''How am I exaggerating?''

''I think you've said 'Thank you!' and 'Excellent work!' after his every bloody sentence.''

''I did not.''

''Really? You did not just congratulate him on going to the loo? 'That's a great idea!'?''

''Miles, don't.''

''OK, boss, but it was downright ridiculous.''

''I am just trying to mend things between us. I was an outright heel to that man.''

''Aren't you inflating the whole situation a bit?''

''Did you know, Miles?''

''Did I know what?''

'Did you know how Kent feels about me?''

The room was silent for a moment.

''Ah. That. Well, of course.''

''WELL, OF COURSE?! What's wrong with you, Miles?'' He shouted, and after momentarily realizing where they were he whispered: ''What is wrong with you?''

''Nothing's wrong with me. It was not my place to tell you that.''

''You don't think that a proper warning, would have, somehow, be in order? I should have tried to correct my behaviour and... Well, it would have been nice to know the whole situation. We would have avoided many things.''

''Such as?''

''I don't know. I'd be more decent towards him.''

''Which means you would be acting, as you did the whole bloody day today.''

''I wasn't acting!''

''Of course you did! You're uncomfortable and burdened by everything! You are a decent man, Joe, but you are not an overly polite man towards us. That is one of the things that keeps everybody efficient around here. You needed, no, you need to treat Kent as everyone else. And you were doing that. What you did today was foolish and unnatural to you.''

''I can't treat him badly.''

''Who mentioned anything about treating him badly? You should treat him as you treat the rest of us. Honestly, Joe, you should ask yourself why did you feel so comfortable to get pissed at him so often, and with such ease, in the first place.''

''What?''

''I mean, we all experienced how it feels to be the object of your dissatisfaction, but with Kent it became more common than with anybody else. It's like you knew, subconsciously, that you could act that way with him, that you don't have to control yourself, because there isn't a thing that he wouldn't forgive you.''

''Well, Miles, thank you for that thorough psychoanalyses.''

''Everybody knows, Joe! Everybody!'' Chandler's mouth opened in horror.

''It's a public secret around here. Kent is so obvious. Since you came, his devotion to work became even more admirable, but it wasn't just that. Are you trying to tell me that you didn't notice the looks? His clumsiness in your presence? He would overstep his rank, forgetting about the rules, and rush to you for every, single, bloody thing. For God's sake Joe, he would smile at you, like a fool. At first I did think that you couldn't notice. Then I thought nobody can be that oblivious. Finally, I figured that you chose not to notice, that it was your way of coping with the situation.''

''I had no idea, Miles! I just thought that he was looking up to me. That he wanted to learn. That he is ambitious about the job. I thought he wanted to impress me as a boss.''

''I am positive that you're correct. But it's so much more than that.''

''Now, I know, Miles! Oh, God, I am ridiculous!'' He grabbed his tiger balm, and started rubbing his forehead like a maniac.

''I can't stop thinking about his words.''

''What words?''

''He told me how he feels about me, because I pushed him into it. He said how he feels, and then he quit!''

''He did what?''

''I am so glad that we solved it, Miles.''

''Blimey! That kid grew a pair, that's for sure.''

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. Kent's face was on the other side.

Chandler nodded.

The young man came in quietly and looked at Miles apologetically. ''Sorry, Skip, I didn't mean to interrupt.''

''No, no, it's fine.'' Miles answered with a smile.

Kent raised his eyebrows, because he felt like there was something more behind that smile. Or maybe it was all in his head.

''Sir, the Stevensons have an alibi. And Skip was right. The victim's cousin lied about his whereabouts.''

''I knew it!'', said Miles. ''Everything about that fella was fishy.''

''Well, you were right, Skip.''

''Miles and I will go see him immediately. Kent, as always...''

''I know, 'great work'. Sir, can we have a word before you go? It'll be only a minute.''

''I'll wait outside.'' Miles disappeared in a matter of seconds.

''Yes?''

''Sir, I am really glad that we are all right now, but I noticed that you're uncomfortable.''

''I'm not uncomfortable.''

''Well, you are, kind of. You really don't have to praise me gazillion times in a day. I mean, it's great when you do it, don't misinterpret what I'm trying to say. Just, don't get out of your comfort zone for my sake. Everything is fine. Just be yourself.''

Chandler was staring at him. His tongue was tied in knots. He has to stop with his foolishness, and he has to that immediately.

''Fine, Kent. I know what you mean. Let's not speak of it anymore. Will you come with me and Miles?''

''Of course, Sir.''

* * *

It's been almost a year after the cursed van accident, and five months have passed after the row between Kent and Chandler. Their relationship has never been better. Actually, the two of them have never been closer. Chandler would stay up late, and Kent would too, but instead of being separate, as it was the case in the past, they would sit together in Chandler's office and talk about the cases they had to solve. Miles was pleased with the situation. There was less need to act like a nanny, and survey Chandler's actions. There was no self-medicating. Not even once did he find him drunk. And the situation was pleasing for everyone. There was no tension, or unusual stress. The stress wasn't absent, of course, that would be impossible considering the nature of their work, but everything seemed more promising and nothing seemed unsolvable. Nobody was fannying about, but no one was over stressing either. That was a pleasant change indeed.

Kent's behaviour has changed drastically. He wasn't stuttering around Chandler. He didn't look at him like an eager teenager. There were no strange pauses in the conversation and he didn't blush. But he has never been more in love with the man. He was professional, and kind. He was polite and even warm in his approach, and he did not show his woe. But woe was there. It was exceptionally present when he would go to sleep. He wanted Chandler next to him. He still had the wild images of them, together, entangled in the sheets, lost in their desires for each other, blind and deaf for everything else except themselves, their friction, zeal, fire, sweat and sighs in the darkness of the room. After admitting his feelings to Chandler, everything became easier for him. It's like he got a permission to feel what he feels from Chandler himself. It's not like he really needed it, but it was important because he felt accepted. Chandler was not disgusted by him. He had nothing against his nature. It meant the world to him. Erika was fine with his sexual life. She was acceptant and supportive. Riley, Skip, Buchan, even Mansell, showed tolerance. But it was a problem for many people, unfortunately. He just wanted to keep Chandler in his life. Maybe Chandler can't reciprocate the same way, but that is nobody's fault. He accepts Kent, his nature, his life. He is respectful and kind. That's all that he wants. Apart from the fact that he wants to see Chandler happy.

These five months did not pass so smoothly for Chandler, either. He decided to solve the situation between him and Kent by being the best man that he could be. And he knew that he had to treat others with equal respect. It was hard not to get pissed (especially at Mansell). Of course, he did yell, from time to time (mostly at Mansell) and he and Miles had their usual arguments, but he felt more at peace (even with Mansell). His OCD was there, but it wasn't so extreme. He didn't look at vodka as his salvation. He didn't change ten shirts a day (it was mostly two). And he liked the presence of Kent. He liked his acceptance. He appreciated his feelings. He liked their conversations, the time they shared. It was hard to accept how much he liked all of that. Mostly because he felt that he didn't deserve the type of acceptance that he got from Kent. Or the depth of love that Kent felt. He didn't understand Kent's admiration, but he did understand Kent's feelings. And his own. And they were changing, slowly, and growing, day by day. Until one morning happened to both of them.

He liked the fact that Kent knows exactly how he prefers his tea. And he learned that Kent likes to drink Latte Macchiato (he smiled every time when he thought of his DC drinking it, because it was a funny name for a coffee) and he would surprise him with one from time to time. One morning, he bought a hot, grande coffee, and put it on Kent's desk. He went to his office. Next thing he knew, Kent rushed in followed by Mansell. They were joking about something because they were laughing outloud. Kent reached his desk when Mansell yelled: ''Oi! Kent! Your sister sent you this.'' He sent him a kiss.

''Charming.'', said Kent. He looked at his desk and saw his favourite coffee there. His chest became warm. He lifted it and looked at Chandler's office. Chandler nodded and returned to his papers. He was glad about that moment. It made him unusually happy. Kent was holding his coffee and right as he was turning back he and Mansell bumped into each other. Kent screamed. Chandler jumped from his seat and rushed through the door. Mansel was flustered: ''Sorry, mate! I didn't want to bump into you! I didn't see the coffee. Where did you get the effen coffee?'' Chandler appeared next to Kent: ''Kent, are you OK?!''

''Oh, crap! Oh, Jesus Christ, it hurts.'' yelled Kent. Chandler grabbed his shoulders and lead him towards bathroom. They could hear Mansell's 'Sorry, mate!' echoing behind them.

''Cold water, we'll put some cold water.'' Chandler was holding Kent as they were rushing to the bathroom. He grabbed the first tap with cold water and placed Kent's hands under it. They were so red, and he could see Kent's face in pain.

''Oh, God, are you all right, Emerson?'' Emerson kept his watery eyes tightly shut, but when he opened them, he could see Chandler's blue eyes.

''Oh, my God, Joe, how can the coffee be so fucken hot?''

''I told them to make it hot, because I had no idea when you'll come exactly, and I didn't want it to cool down. Oh, God! Are you OK?''

''I'm OK, Joe, it's fine, it's fine, it'll be all right!''

Chandler was holding Kents wrists under the cold stream, and the pain was subsiding. He got burned, and his mind was briefly in pain, but now, his temperature was rising from a completely different reason. Chandler was holding him. His hands were holding his arms, and his face was three inches away. Chandler was flustered and worried, and his eyes seemed scared.

Kent came to himself: ''Joe!''

He looked directly at Kent's eyes.

''I'm all right. Calm down.''

''Mansell is a twit.'' Chandler muttered angrily.

''Yes he is, but this was an accident. He didn't see the coffee.''

''I don't care. He's still a twit.''

''Hey, I am not arguing about that.'' Kent smiled. ''It passed.''

He heard a sigh of relief from the older man.

''I mean, it hurts a bit, but, it'll be OK.''

''Can we go to a doctor, now?'' Chandler asked.

''No need, Joe. It's... No, I'll just go to Llewellyn. She'll check it and prescribe an ointment or something. I'll go now. OK?''

''OK.'' said Chandler.

Silence.

''Joe?''

''Yes?''

''I can't go if you don't let go of my hands.''

''Oh, sorry.'' Chandler moved back suddenly, as if he got burned himself.

Kent smiled. ''You are really cute when you're flustered.'' Then he froze. 'Oh, my God did I just say that out loud?' He thought. 'I didn't want to say that to him.' ''Sorry! I don't know why I said that.''

''Kent!'' He interrupted him. ''Don't apologize. Please go see Llewellyn.''

Kent nodded apologetically and walked out of the bathroom quietly.

Chandler stared at the door that were slowly closing behind him. And then came a thought. A loud and clear thought: 'I am not the cute one Kent. You are.'

It was a realization. He looked down on the floor tiles of the bathroom where he came to many awarenesses. He figured out many things as he washed his face and looked himself in the mirror. He was naked in front of the truth. Literally and metaphorically. He washed his sins away in this bathroom. He changed his sweat soaked, dirty shirts. He cursed his reflection. He bathed in guilt. Many things happened in here. And now, after all these years, after all these things, came a realization. About Kent. He realized that he loves Emerson Kent.

* * *

''Come on Kent.''

''Sir?''

''I thought I could drive you home tonight.''

Kent forgot his name for a second. ''Aww.''

The place was almost empty. Miles and Riley were still there.

''Emerson, you shouldn't drive your moped tonight.'' Said Riley. ''I know that your hands don't hurt that badly, but still, why don't you get home safely?''

Kent looked at Chandler. ''Yeah, Meg. That's a good idea.''

''Of course, it is.'' She added. ''We'll see each other tomorrow. The two of us will go to the pub. Mansell's there. We could put a laxative in his beer as a punishment. What do you say, Ray?''

''Now, that's an idea, Riley!''

''Good night, Kent! Good night, boss.'' They both said as they were leaving.

''Good night!'' Said Kent and Chandler at the same time.

When they stayed alone, they spent a moment looking at each other. Kent, dazed by his DI, and Chandler mesmerized by his cute DC.

''So, are we going?'' Asked Chandler.

Kent smiled. ''I'd love to.''

Then Chandler smiled. It was an homage to his words when Kent asked him to go with him to the pub. Then they never went. He remembered his words: ''Would you like to join ME? US?'' He really was blind, wasn't he?

''Let's go.'' Said Chandler.

They didn't speak during the ride, but they did smile at each other a couple of times. Chandler drove slowly, and he was trying to collect his thoughts. Kent was just savouring the moment.

When they arrived Kent wanted to say thank you, but instead, he said:

''Would you like to come in?''

Chandler was surprised by the offer. But he wanted to come in.

He nodded at him, turned the engine off, and got out of the car.

Kent's mind was racing. 'Did his roommate wash the dishes? What was the state of the living room?' He really didn't think this through. When they entered, Kent realized that the place was decent, which was a relief.

''I'll put the cattle on. Please, Joe, sit.''

Chandler walked through the apartment without noticing anything around him. Half-present he sat on the sofa that Kent showed at with his hand, but he was quiet an completely focused on the speech that he's been preparing.

Then, finally, and in a heartbeat, he said: ''Kenthowareyourhands?''

''Sorry?'' Kent asked.

Chandler said it so fast that it made no sense.

''I was wondering about your hands.'' He said again in a calm voice. ''Do they hurt?''

''A bit. On touch. But I was really lucky. Joe?''

''Yes?'' Chandler huffed.

''Why are you nervous? And don't say that you're not nervous, because you've just spoken gibberish. You never speak gibberish.''

''There is something I'd like to ask you.''

''If this is about what happened in the bathroom...'' Kent began.

''No, no, it's not about that. Well, in a way it is. But it's nothing bad. At least I think it isn't.''

''Sir?'' Kent was confused.

''Kent. Please. Don't call me 'Sir' now. I know why you do it at the station. But, don't call me 'Sir' at your own home. Or when we're alone.''

''Sorry, Joe.'' Kent sounded confused. He was nervous. And butterflies in his stomach were making him sick in a way. It's like there was a private party in his insides.

''Kent, I... I realised something today.''

''Yes?'' Kent swallowed heavily.

''I don't like to see you hurt. I don't want to see you hurt.''

''I told you I am all right, Joe.''

''I understand that you are, it's just I really hate the fact that something bad can happen to you, that you can be injured, and that you can be in pain.''

''Joe, what's the matter?''

''I feel...''

Joseph Chandler lost his words, and that does not happen that often. It was mind blowing.

''Today, when you were injured, I felt helpless. And terrified.''

Chandler lifted his eyes and looked Kent straight into his beautiful, brown ones.

Kent looked at him, as well. Something happened. It became tense, and it seemed like the air between them was charged with electricity. There was a storm inside each of them. A twister of emotions. And heat. Heat that was burning the skin.

''Joe, what do you want to say?'' Kent tried to ask in a normal voice, but the sound that came out was hoarse. He barely spoke, it was like his vocal cords were covered with humidity of his lungs. He was drowning in his emotions.

''Emerson. God. I love that name. I love your name, Emerson. I love your voice. It's so vibrant. And your warm, brown eyes. They really do make me feel sane. Your smile makes your whole face glow. I love your hands. They are so gentle and firm. And your unruly hair makes you look so innocent. I love your laugh. It emits the warmth that crawls into me, and spreads everywhere. I love the way you walk. Your solid but playful step. I love the things you do, the way you do them, and how you look at me. I... I love everything about you. I...''

It was now or never.

''I love you, Emerson.''

Something broke inside of Emerson Kent. Maybe he lost his mind. Joseph Chandler was sitting in his living room, and he just told him that he loved him. That was definitely a hallucination. It couldn't be real. That couldn't be real. He's gone mad.

Chandler was breathing heavily, waiting for some response.

''Joe... Joseph...'' Kent gasped his name.

''Kent?''

''I think I've gone mad.''

Chandler was gazing at him. ''Maybe we've both gone mad, but I know that the only sane thing in my life is my love for you.''

Kent looked at him, incapable to express the overpowering sensations. He moved towards him, and Chandler stood up. Then Kent raised his right hand towards Chandler's face. His hand was hovering above his cheek for a moment, and then he touched it. Chandler exhaled sharply and his breath touched Kent's forehead.

''You are real, aren't you?'' Kent uttered at the end of his strength.

''I'm real, Emerson.'' Then he raised his left hand and placed it gently over Kent's.

''I had no idea I could feel like this. It's like there is nothing in this whole wide world except you. I'm overwhelmed.'' Then he laughed. It was a joyful, but nervous sound.

Kent lost it. He threw himself at Chandler and claimed his lips. He kissed him fervently, feverishly, as a man who is kissing for the last time, right before he'll die. He grabbed Chandler's collar tightly, with both hands and although there was a pulsating pain in his hands, it was unregistered by his stunned mind, which acknowledged only Chandler, the scent of him, his warmth and pliant softness.

And Chandler was surprised by that kiss and he stood, dumbfounded for a moment, but then everything became Kent. He felt only Kent's touch and Kent's heat, he could only hear Kent's breathing and the rush of his own blood. Kent was everywhere, Kent was everything. Kent was all that he wanted.

They kissed as if there was no tomorrow, and there was pain in that kiss. The pain of two men who did not see this tonight. And there was a relief, and happiness. And pleasure. Pleasure that seemed endless, unstoppable.

Kent parted Chandler's lips, and it was like he found the gate of heaven itself. Joe's tongue was sweet and restless. He moaned loudly and that ignited Kent's desire even more. ''Joe.'' He whispered. ''Joseph.''

Chandler lost himself in that call. He was holding Kent tightly, as if they were on the edge of a precipice. He was pulling him closer and closer, and although there was no more space between them, it didn't seem enough. He wanted to feel what Emerson was feeling. To melt with him, like wax, until it became impossible to separate them, or to discern them as separate beings.

''Joe.'' Kent gasped. ''I can't breathe, wait...''

Chandler came around with those words and relaxed his grip.

''Sorry, I was rough.''

''No, it's not that.''

''Kent, are you all right?''

''I'm just. My heart is beating so fast, I can't...'' And Chandler felt it.

His own heart was beating like crazy, so he didn't notice, but Kent wasn't able to bread properly.

''Em, slow down, breathe''. He took him in his arms and placed him on the sofa.

''Em, look at me.''

Now Emerson was completely overwhelmed. It's like his body got an overdose.

He turned his look away from Chandler, because the sight of him, and the smell of him didn't calm him down.

He looked down at the floor, trying to slow down his breathing.

''Joe?''

''Yes?''

Then he dared to look at Chandler, again, and say the words that were hidden behind his deep, brown eyes: ''Stay. Stay with me.''

The blue eyes smiled at him.

''I'm not going anywhere.''

Joe hugged him tightly, breathing in his scent deeply.

''I love you, Joe. I love you so much.''

''I know, Em. I know. I love you, too.''


End file.
